since.then

While I currently seem to have all the time in the world to read and catch up on what really matters–I’m not.  For the year-and-a-half I went without a television, I’ve been making up for in the last five months.

I plan on doing more than just posting stories eventually, as I’m sure the more I get back to my voice the more I’ll want to actually write–the act of which seems like a foreign concept to me now.

My last post was a top.10.reads from January 2010, so before I dive in to posting again, an update is appropriate.

January.2010-April.2010: I worked nearly 60 hours a week organizing union health care workers in public hospitals and non-profit clinics.  My boss did not seem to trust my experience or natural sense of how to organize, so it was a tough couple of months.  Living in Santa Cruz, my distractions were still the gym, yoga, and pilates.  I dated a guy who owned a wholesale meat business [like Omaha steaks] and would let him distract me from work as often as possible.  Coincidentally, I also started eating meat but not because of my meatman.  I needed to do something to shock my diet as it seems my body was stagnant no matter how much I exercised.  I looked for other jobs and was close to one with my “alma-mater” Greenpeace.  I went to Texas once for my birthday and LA three times.

May.2010-July.2010: Needing a change of scenery and a shorter commute, I moved to an apartment in Palo Alto.  My commute went from 38 miles/1 hour to 12 miles/20 minutes.  Not only was the trip to work a relief, but the work itself as my boss was moved to another project in Oakland and we were granted a director who was truly interested in helping and developing our organizing.  I began working on my only day off at a pilates/ballet studio hoping to meet some girlfriends, as I still had yet to make any friends.  My brother came to visit for a week to help me move apartments and my mom a few weeks later to help set it up.  As my friend Erica was traveling for our dance company all summer, I wasn’t able to go to LA until fall.

In late July, I fell in love.  On a whim, I went to the Humane Soceity looking for a little female dog, so ugly only a mother could love.  I found the exact opposite.  Big, outdoor, male, beautiful, the dalamation sat behind the gate looking up with his big blue eyes and crying.  My search was over before I had even realized what I was doing.  Because I wanted something reminicent of Texas, and being a big football fan, I named him Romo.  If ever I thought I had been in love before, I was wrong, because I’ve never loved anything as much as I love him.

August.2010-October.2010: While work had gotten better, I was restless.  I had learned the whole job.  Before in college when I got restless, I would take an internship in another state for a semester, now I didn’t really have that outlet.  When my mom told me that my dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer that had spread, I really had to question what I was doing.  Here I was thousands of miles away from my family and friends, working and doing an okay job at affecting change, but was this it?  Was it worth it to me? It wasn’t.  I wanted to get closer to the people I loved, into a job that used my every skill, and living day to day for what really matters–not just a routine.  I again got close to taking a job in LA [a day’s drive from my parents and close to one of my best friends] but without locking anything in, and with my lease ending the beginning of November I decided to move to Denver.  I could be there for my parents, figure things out, apply to the great graduate programs in Colorado and get back to what I knew I loved and would make me happy, bringing the Romo with me of coarse.  So away we went.

November.2010-March.2011: We drove out the same way we came in, up through Lake Tahoe, Nevada, Utah, Wyoming and on down to Denver.  I felt a lot of regret moving back, like I had failed at being independent.  It was difficult for my parents too when I got here, they were use to being alone.  I had thought I could start school in January at the University of Denver, but that got complicated, so I choose to go to the University of Colorado instead, which won’t start until August, if then.  By Christmas, I was restless again but this time it was mixed in with a big dose of “what in the hell did you do?” at least when I was working I doing what  a 24 yr old should be, instead of what I had been doing lately.

I didn’t know how to appreciate time spent “not doing.”  I had been use to wearing myself out for organizations, classes, work, that I didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t.  After several people said it to me, I finally heard them: appreciate this time now.  It is a luxury to be able to relax, focus on myself, and not have to hold a job I dislike.  I felt guilty for the luxury, but now I’ve had to stop beating myself up about it.  There is a reason I left, there is a reason I’m here in Denver.  It is a blessing to grow close to my parents in this time and to be there for them as they went through a difficult situation.  Romo is so happy to have two dogs to play with and a huge backyard.  I am healthier today than I have ever been in my whole life [and skinnier too, I fit into all my prom dresses better today than back then…yes, I put them on this week].  I’ve found physical strength I never new I had, and this will foster my mental strength for when I’m finally ready for the next chapter–job, school, whatever I have the patience for.

I have maybe read 10 books since I moved to California, what I use to read in three weeks.  Reading some of my old daily websites, I felt embarrassed, like someone would know I hadn’t logged on in a while.  Today, all that stops and I get back to building my mind and my voice.

 

What I can look forward to posting:

  • top.10.reads:: the classic daily post.
  • top.10.bunnybites:: health posts for the week.
  • my writing:: …eventually.
  • pictures that can change your mood.
  • general updates.
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