mini.monographs

Being inspired by GarlandGrey.com, I thought about writing a few monographs and submitting them to the website to be published.  Unfortunately, I have not been able to finish a full piece yet, but here are some snipits.

bikram yoga

strangers, in nothing but their underwear enter a hot, moist room.  it is empty, except for a few absorbent mats, some towels.  some bring in their water bottles, others coconut juice, electrolyte enhanced water, or have a naturally healthy level of endurance and hydration.  for ninety minutes they, together, enter into a trance, focusing on each of their sweaty body parts as they move from position, to position, to position.  resting every few positions, on their backs, deep breathing as they just stare at the ceiling eyes open before getting back into the act.  worn out, they all finally finish and enter final relaxation.  when they find the strength, they move from the hot room, to the cold showers.  open but segregated, they cleanse themselves and exit back into the world.

european bath-house? no.  bikram yoga.

loneliness

in my own loneliness, i have found the secret to twitter’s success.  there are many people like me:  out in the world, living their lives and wishing there was someone they could share their funny commentary with, but alas they are alone.  when i’m out with friends, you can tell, because there is a tweet-pause.  when i’m alone, a twittergasm.  i feel weird tweeting when i can just say what i’m thinking outloud to my friend, yes sometimes i tweet with company, but usually after the announcement “imma tweet that.” a friend of mine in real life and on twitter, will often tweet something then txt me simultaneously, i’m always wishing she had tweeted both, this way we could have a public conversation, like we’re at a dinner party with 124 others: random people we passed on campus, some close friends who never tweet just follow, and the porno people.

twitter, well, that’s that and then you hit a new low of loneliness, when you have to say it out loud.  i was signing up for my gym membership and the customer service specialist needed to go finalize my papers at the front desk, “while i head up to the front, you can fill out five friends that you want to give a free month to.”  “oh, that’s nice, do they have to live in the area.” “uh, yeah, its a free month here at this location.”  “oh…[very long awkward pause]..i don’t know five people.”  “well, that’s fine just one or two works too.”  …  “i, um, i don’t even know one person, so…” “oh, that sucks.  kind of a waste of free offers than.  you can just sit here and i wait, i guess.”

thanks, jackass.

**

Also there is: the love email, capital letters, the “love you” without the “I”.  More soon.

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2 responses to “mini.monographs

  1. I love them!! I especially enjoyed the loneliness one regarding the gym membership bit [if you want me to punch that guy I will!].
    Anyways…I still have no desire to tweet [mainly cause my phone does not support it]…but i do understand what you are going through. In my short time here I have realized that London can be a lonely place.
    Miss you! xx

  2. If these are just the snippets, I will be checking my inbox HOURLY.

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