ha[double serving].

Coverlies, via Jez:

On the subscriber’s cover of the June Elle, Megan Fox shows off her tattoo, which reads, “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies.” And alas, this Shakespearean text is the only part of the cover that does not lie! June is the month for Elle‘s “Body Issue” which means you can expect both blatant and subliminal body issues lingering in its pages. For example, Fox’s interview mentions how she was down to a Olsen-like 98 pounds for her role in Diablo Cody’s upcoming movie, Jennifer’ Body. She stayed out of the sun and withered away for her art, claiming, “I wanted to turn [myself] into a zombie,” but once filming wrapped, she was ordered to gain ten pounds for Transformers 2. The issue also has the usual unforgivingly awkward cut-out bathing suits, expensive creams that may or may not banish cellulite with religious use, and a novel exercise regime to get your ass into shape. Below find out what else we worked out of this issue:

elle-june-09_01

With teen bad girl du jour Blair Waldorf on the cover, Cosmo editors set out to add a dose of high school bitchiness to the June issue. Too bad they forgot their mission after writing the cover lies. This month’s issue was so comparatively tame we’re wondering if it was penned by the Seventeen readers Gossip Girl is actually aimed at. Leighton Meester‘s profile notes in the headline that she’s “not really a bitch.” Reassuring us that she’s a “good girl” in real life is a total teen mag move, and frankly, we enjoy Meester’s teen series forerunner Shannen Doherty more because we know she’s as bitchy off-screen as she was on 90210. This month’s sex advice was also more taint-free than usual. Basically, if you prolong sex, you’ll stay aroused for a longer period of time. The mag says this is how people achieve a one-hour orgasm, but quickly squashes readers’ hopes by explaining that won’t actually happen. In “Recession-Proof Your Love,” we learn that “a guy’s self-worth is often directly tied to his ability to earn big,” so we should be sweeter and less demanding of pricey dinners if he loses his job. Finally, an article reveals that it freaks men out when you “try to be sneaky,” “when you’re jealous,” or “when you’re downright crazy.” Below, we take a look at the various ways this month’s Cosmo recommends taming our inner Blair.

cosmo_june

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