While most ladymags are dealing with the bad economy by calling a $4,000 bag an “investment piece,” Glamour is taking the opposite approach. The March issue is like one long guilt-inducing chat with Grandma. Picture it: You show up at the nursing home and Nana immediately points out that it looks like you’ve put on a few pounds. It’s probably because you’re not getting enough sleep. Maybe you’re up all night worrying about your quickly dwindling bank account. The Glamour editors say acting more like Grandma can solve this problem too: just start obsessively clipping coupons, snipping the top off your concealer tube to get the last bit, and mixing expensive lotion with an unscented cheaper one. Perhaps we should be taking advice from a woman who’s already survived one economic crash, but if we have to start reusing tea bags it’s going to cause a great depression of a different sort. Below, we rewrite Glamour‘s cover lines to better reflect the admonishments contained within.